Pink Purls | Esther’s Blog

8 months ago my 82 year old grandmother - and dearest friend and confidant - was rope sliding in Costa Rica (she was tied to a rope and was sliding from tree to tree) while taking what was to be her last vacation with my brother (1 month after finding out she had liver cancer) - that should give you an idea of the kind of person she was. Full of life, always wanting to learn new things, do more, try new things, travel to new places - you couldn’t hold her back.

At 82 she was fit as a fiddle - she “fast-walked” an hour a day - watched her diet, had normal blood presure - normal cholesterol and sugar levels and absolutely nothing wrong with her EXCEPT as we later came to find out - she had some rogue cancer cells from her prior bout with breast cancer 13 yrs ago had lain dormant all these years in her liver until 8 months ago - when the dr discovered she had a tumor in her liver. The news was devastating - a woman who was otherwise so healthy and vibrant and energetic with so much to offer was being told she had something pretty insurmountable. She started chemo - 22 sessions of it and fought like a trooper for all of us.

Her last chemo treament was 2/19. She was so happy but the chemo had affected her lungs and she was now forced to used an oxygen tank. So, Monday, 2/25, my mom was taking her to her dr who works out of the hospital and who was simply going to admit her for some tests to see if perhaps the chemo had caused fluid around her lungs - nothing serious or life-threatening. I had intended to take the next day off of work to be at the hospital for those tests “just in case” - I tend to be superstitous when it comes to hospitals. So the last thing any of us expected was that by Tuesday she’d be gone. My father called me at noon Monday (when she was supposed to be at the dr’s office getting her admission papers) to tell me she suffered a heart attack and that the drs were “working on her”. I ran out of my office which is exactly two miles from the hospital and I swear my car must have driven itself because I don’t remember driving it - all I remember is crying so hard and so much that I could barely see through my tears and begging and pleading to God out loud to please PLEASE allow me to get there in time to tell her I loved her one more time - at least that God - just once more…but when I arrived my father was waiting outside the emergency room for me with tears in his eyes and he told me I was too late - Titi was gone - I remember screaming “no” and then vomiting in the bushes. When I looked over I saw my poor mother slumped over the bench outside the side doors just staring over at us - I ran over and she just let herself go limp in my arms and she cried and cried - she spent every second of every day with Titi - and those last seconds of her life she wasn’t able to be with her either - the drs made her leave the room - all she kept saying to me was that she (my mom) wasn’t ready for titi to be gone…

As I type this my eyes well over with tears again - I know, logically, this is life, she lived a full one - she turned 83 on 2/20 - but I’m not “ok” with not having her in our lives anymore - my god I don’t know if I will ever be - I miss her - we are such a close family and the running joke is my mom and grandmother were like a pair of earrings - always together - a “set” - to see my mom suffer so much now is heartwrenching - just gutteral - and painful to the core and I worry about the days to come when the dust settles and the enormity of Titi’s absence truly sinks in.

Titi was an amazing woman - everyone that knew her was the better for it and I will miss her always and forever.
Esther

8 months ago my 82 year old grandmother - and dearest friend and confidant - was rope sliding in Costa Rica (she was tied to a rope and was sliding from tree to tree) while taking what was to be her last vacation with my brother (1 month after finding out she had liver cancer) - that should give you an idea of the kind of person she was. Full of life, always wanting to learn new things, do more, try new things, travel to new places - you couldn’t hold her back.

At 82 she was fit as a fiddle - she “fast-walked” an hour a day - watched her diet, had normal blood presure - normal cholesterol and sugar levels and absolutely nothing wrong with her EXCEPT as we later came to find out - she had some rogue cancer cells from her prior bout with breast cancer 13 yrs ago had lain dormant all these years in her liver until 8 months ago - when the dr discovered she had a tumor in her liver. The news was devastating - a woman who was otherwise so healthy and vibrant and energetic with so much to offer was being told she had something pretty insurmountable. She started chemo - 22 sessions of it and fought like a trooper for all of us.

Her last chemo treament was 2/19. She was so happy but the chemo had affected her lungs and she was now forced to used an oxygen tank. So, Monday, 2/25, my mom was taking her to her dr who works out of the hospital and who was simply going to admit her for some tests to see if perhaps the chemo had caused fluid around her lungs - nothing serious or life-threatening. I had intended to take the next day off of work to be at the hospital for those tests “just in case” - I tend to be superstitous when it comes to hospitals. So the last thing any of us expected was that by Tuesday she’d be gone. My father called me at noon Monday (when she was supposed to be at the dr’s office getting her admission papers) to tell me she suffered a heart attack and that the drs were “working on her”. I ran out of my office which is exactly two miles from the hospital and I swear my car must have driven itself because I don’t remember driving it - all I remember is crying so hard and so much that I could barely see through my tears and begging and pleading to God out loud to please PLEASE allow me to get there in time to tell her I loved her one more time - at least that God - just once more…but when I arrived my father was waiting outside the emergency room for me with tears in his eyes and he told me I was too late - Titi was gone - I remember screaming “no” and then vomiting in the bushes. When I looked over I saw my poor mother slumped over the bench outside the side doors just staring over at us - I ran over and she just let herself go limp in my arms and she cried and cried - she spent every second of every day with Titi - and those last seconds of her life she wasn’t able to be with her either - the drs made her leave the room - all she kept saying to me was that she (my mom) wasn’t ready for titi to be gone…

As I type this my eyes well over with tears again - I know, logically, this is life, she lived a full one - she turned 83 on 2/20 - but I’m not “ok” with not having her in our lives anymore - my god I don’t know if I will ever be - I miss her - we are such a close family and the running joke is my mom and grandmother were like a pair of earrings - always together - a “set” - to see my mom suffer so much now is heartwrenching - just gutteral - and painful to the core and I worry about the days to come when the dust settles and the enormity of Titi’s absence truly sinks in.

Titi was an amazing woman - everyone that knew her was the better for it and I will miss her always and forever.
Esther